This topic is one that has been weighing heavily on my heart. I want to start by saying that in NO way am I a relationship expert… as I have had my fair share of failed/crash and burn relationships. This is simply me voicing my own experience as a born-again Christian, and navigating the ins and outs of what it means to be in a Kingdom relationship, a relationship that is God-centred and what it means to uphold Gods word while falling in love.
I’ve felt for a while that this is something to be discussed, as all around me I am continually seeing and discussing relationship problems with close friends and family and exploring my own obstacles when loving someone. The first thing I’ve realized is that love is not easy when you do not have Christ as your centre. Nor is a relationship built on a strong foundation when you go into it not knowing your what your purpose of it is and you have not built a strong relationship with Jesus. From experience, I have deeply realized that a relationship that leads you to sin is not of God. Now bare with me, as I am writing this strictly from a female point of view. A man that leads you to the bedroom first instead of closer to God is not a man of God. A man that prides your value through your body is not of God. Culture has created a psychosis in women where subconsciously, we have been made to find our self-worth through our bodies and through men validating this. ”Maybe he will love me more if I just do what he wants”. When we should be finding our self-worth through Christ. Honouring God in all forms, the way we dress and the way we hold our purity is of absolute importance. Most of the time, women find their validation, their identity and confidence from the way men make them feel, only to have all of that ripped from them afterwards. Sex is love after all, right?
Shamefully I have been in those shoes. I was abandoned in heart break, scrambling to put what was left of my myself and self-worth back together. For some it’s a pattern on repeat. Not knowing Christ, keeps you in these sexually sinful cycles. For me it clicked one day, “Jesus does not want me to have sex before marriage because it’s only meant to be for marriage”. Sex outside of marriage I have realized is not love, it's lust. The idea is finding a man that can challenge every preconceived notion you have had about men. I am not saying every man is like this, eventually I want to touch on the things I have seen when men marry a Jezebel. Again, this is just something that has been weighing on me
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7
As a Christian woman, it’s important to find someone who can honor you by respecting your boundaries, protect your purity, hold your identity up to God – not your body, see you as the daughter of the King, not an object to manipulate in the bedroom. A man that holds you up to God daily, asking Him how you need to be loved. The only way to finding this man is by holding Christ close and making Him the priority in your life. Eventually, when He knows you are ready – He will bring you that man you’ve been praying for. A man that will completely change the trajectory of your entire life. Lust might seem fun in the moment, but it won’t fade away with a marriage certificate and vows… and one thing is for sure, a man that honours your purity while dating when the world has normalized ‘sleeping together’, is a man that will carry that honour out in all aspects of life
